Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver, the other is gold.
I was thinking about friendships the other day: how they last or disappear; how some are deep and intertwined, while others are only surface-y; how they fall into categories and groups. And, I’ve come to the conclusion that, particularly with my ‘old’ friends, I’m kind of a fringe girl. You know, the one on the edge of the crowd who is pals with the gang, but not really a PART of it; whose memories are wide-spread over many groups, but not deeply rooted with one particular set of people.
I live in Utah, which, for Mormons, is where many pilgrimage frequently. When someone comes 'home', a get-together is often organized so the out-of-towner can see all their old friends. I’ve been invited to several of these little gatherings lately, with several different ‘groups,’ and as conversations unfold and stories are shared, I realize that the bulk of the people there are good friends. I mean, really GOOD friends. They continue to see each other several times a year. They have many, many overlapping memories. I have a few. I send Christmas cards. But, I don’t feel like I’m really ‘in’ with the crowd.
My husband is a fringe-er, too. He was friendly with nearly every crowd in high school, but close friends with a very few…and no one group in particular. Together, we enjoy the chance to visit with people from the past, and listen in on the escapades of yesteryear, wondering how, exactly, we got invited to this reunion of friends when we are merely acquaintances with most of them. I think it’s the Christmas cards. And, the fact that we live in Mormon Mecca. And, hopefully, it is because even though we are fringers, we are friends, too.
Because it is fun to be connected to people from my long-ago, even if I’m only connected by a thread….and a photo card of my kids in their mailbox each December.
11 comments:
Ade, just so you know, I consider you one of my really GOOD friends! You're no fringer to me :) love you!
What is one step beyond a fringer? That is me. That is what we get for living so far away. I love your Christmas cards! They make the scrapbook cut every year. Can we still get together when we are in town next month? Even if we are fringers--or in my case, not even that. You are the best Ade!
So, is now a good time to say that I'll be in town soon and I'm hoping we can hang?? :) Linn too! I'll be there for most of July....
Hugs,
Andrea
I always felt that you were totally "inside" your old group of friends. You do have the great ability to become comfortable and adapt to any circle of friends...church, neighborhood or whatever. I do believe that we need to keep the goldy oldies as well! Love that you keep sharing your feelings with your awesome writing!
It's funny that you brought this up, Adri, because it has been on my mind a lot this past year.
I'm with Linn--one step beyond the fringe. Somehow I lose contact with a lot of good people and don't even bother with the Christmas cards to most. It isn't that I stop liking people or stop enjoying their friendships, I just get exhausted trying to keep up with all the people I encountered through high school, BYU, and 8 years of singles wards. Whew! It makes me tired just thinking about the phone calls and e-mails I SHOULD me making!
With that said, I do cling to a few friendships. I realize that I desperately need to keep a few "oldies" around to keep me grounded. These are the friends that have known me the longest, helped me through a personal life crisis, and/or continue to like me despite my faults. These friends also forgive me for months of neglect, forgotten birthdays, and unreturned phone calls. Hmmm, maybe I should work on being a better friend!
Adri, you will always be one of my favorites and I'm sure glad you are always willing to see me on my frequent trips to the Mormon Mecca. Our visits always leave me feeling happy, refreshed, and extremely grateful for GOOD friends!
You are one of my favorites ,too. I wonder if we all feel a little fringe-y, I always have. Even though I don't see you often I have loved getting to know you again and would want to visit anytime I was anywhere near any city you lived in.
Oh thank heavens for the Fringe! You may feel like the backdrop, but in my mind at least your the decorative part of the "rug" I find the most interesting. You are one of few Louisvillers that I stay in regular contact with. Which is so sad, cause there are lots of great Louisvillers, but when I want to catch up I always dial chadnandadri.blogspot.com
I was just thinking a few weeks ago, could there be a cuter couple than Adri Croxford and Chad Murdock? I think not. You are both great and have the cutest family.
I love it when old friends come into town! It seems like it is the only time when I get together with "local" friends of the past.
You are great!
I feel on the fringe of lots of friendships...I like the way you put that!
I feel so blessed to count you as one of my friends. It's strnge because we are at totally different stages in our lives and you're tons younger than me...but the months that I spent listening to your lessons and your testimony and experienced your faith made me feel so connected with you. We've never "hung out" unless the Laurels were there...but I count you as one of my dear eternal friends! I admire you more than you could know!
you only say that because you don't understand how deeply you impact people and cause' there are people like me who are really bad at keeping in touch but who still really value your friendship.
I'm so lucky because you and I are not only "old" friends, but we're cousins! Thank goodness for that - you teach me constantly about being a great mother, loving people as they are, and looking for the best of life!
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