gratitude

I went to Church one week after having my baby, but my arms were empty. Baby Dallin was still in the NICU, struggling for life. I hadn't even been able to hold him yet. The week had been a blur. The unbelievable was happening, and I desperately needed to feel the love of my ward family. Little baby Daniel was also at church that day. He was only a couple weeks old. His mom brought him over to me during the meeting and placed him in my arms. For those few minutes, I felt what my arms had been aching for all week. Her sensitivity to my needs was amazing. When I gently handed her perfect baby back, I didn't feel angry at my own situation or jealous of her beautiful boy. I just felt intense gratitude at the love being shown to me. She smiled at me and said, "If Daniel can do some small service, he should be allowed that opportunity."

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One of my most treasured possessions is a note written to be by another young mom I knew in Kentucky. Dallin had just, joyously, come home from the hospital. His life was the result of many capable hands, loving prayers and Priesthood blessings. I was so grateful to everyone who helped us, prayed for us. And, in the mail came a sweet note that said, in part, "I just want to thank you for the opportunity to pray for your baby. It has been a faith building experience for me and a chance to teach my children about prayer." I couldn't believe, after all everyone had done for me, this woman was THANKING me for the chance to serve.

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One of those brave souls I have mentioned lately is my friend, Shaina. She is currently facing down her own battle for the life of her baby. She's stronger than me, I think. Her faith and fortitude amaze me. Her dedication and diligence are unwavering. But, because I've been there, I have to think she has moments of doubt, of weaker-than-you-want faith. I hope she can feel the prayers being offered for her, the love we all share for her son, the hope for their future.

I've been priviledged to enjoy a front row seat to some of the goodness being offered on their family's behalf. This weekend some friends and I are hosting a craft boutique, selling many wonderful, beautiful things, made lovingly and donated willingly, for Kimble. So many, many people have helped. Many who know and love Shaina, and many who have never met her. The generosity is overwhelming. The love, amazing.

I'm convinced that one of the reasons we are asked to suffer in this life is to build empathy; to learn to 'mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.' In the six years since Dallin's birth, I've witnessed the suffering of others with new eyes. I better understand a mother's desire to let her newborn be of service to another. I am more aware of the blessings that come from praying for, and with, others. There is still so, so much I have to learn, but these lessons are a tender mercy; they put my own heartache in perspective and teach me what it means to love.

It has been a very full and very, very happy day. I'm exhausted in a so-filled-up-with-appreciation kind of way. It has been a beautiful start to this week of Thanks-giving.

Goodnight.