Dear Sarah,
I remember the feeling so vividly of the moment Chad and I were first called 'the Murdocks.' We had walked into a ward function for our University of Utah married student ward. We had only been married a short time, maybe just weeks? Or a couple months? Our friend called out, "It's the Murdocks!" Those words stopped me in my tracks. It was such a surprising title. THE Murdocks. That is how I thought of my in-laws: that big crew of parents, siblings and 12 grandkids. Of course, I, too, was a Murdock (shiny and new), but no one had ever put that label on me before. We were always just 'Chad and Adri.' I took a minute to let it sink in. I liked our new moniker, but it still took a little getting used to.
This week we celebrated anniversary #16, and that day that our family name was christened seems like it was just last month and a million years ago, all at the same time. The passage of time is funny that way. But, with your wedding right around the corner I've been thinking back to those early years, when 'the Murdocks' meant just the two of us. What a wonderful, unique time of life! I'm excited that you are entering this new stage!
When I got married, my mom told me, "If you work really hard to love your in-laws for that first year, after that it won't be work anymore because you will love them." That was good advice. Not that it was really hard work to love the Murdocks, but it is a little different to embrace a new family as your own: their traditions, habits, methods of doing things. As you and Blaine become 'the Davidsons' (your own new little Davidson family), it will take a little while to figure out whose method of loading the dishwasher is going to work, and which Christmas traditions you want to bring into your own family; how you are going to celebrate birthdays and if it is really that big of a deal if he leaves his toothbrush out. It will be hard to split your time on holidays and to make sure you share all the good news with both moms at the same time. But, learning to make this work is key to making a happy family. Believe me, you do NOT want to live a lifetime (and eternity) with one family feeling like they can claim more of you than the other. And, I do think my mom is right...if you conscientiously love your in-laws for a while, eventually it won't take any effort because they will become your own, too.
I'm so excited to attend you temple sealing next week. The memories of my own wedding day are treasured. It is hard to really appreciate the wonder of eternity with all the excitement of the wedding day, but go back and do sealings again as soon as you can! It will help you remember and cement those wonderful words of promise in your heart. The very best thing Chad and I did for our new marriage was to feed it with frequent temple visits. We used to go every Thursday night, the weekly anniversary of our own wedding, and the repetition of those covenants created a solid foundation for our family. Even though you seem really busy right now with school and work, I promise you have MUCH more time for temple attendance now than you will when the babies come. Take advantage. The effort will pay big dividends!!
I am so grateful for marriage. Marriage is the foundation of eternity. It is worth all the effort it takes to keep your marriage strong and happy. Despite the temporary and disposable treatment marriage gets in the world at large, I know, for a fact, that God intends marriage to be for now and for always. It is His way to help His children learn and grow and become as He is, as well as His way to provide bodies for precious spirits still waiting to come to earth. As I've bent my own selfish desires and tendencies to be 'one' with Chad, I have become more compassionate, more patient, more loving, better. When you let it, marriage makes you more than you can be on your own.
This is the most important decision you will ever make and I'm so proud of you for doing things in the right way, in the temple and for forever. You are on your way, my cute niece! See you on Tuesday!
much love,
Aunt Adri
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