Farewell to the Van

We sold the van today.  It is a good thing.  We recently got a new ride with a bigger engine to pull the camper and more seats to fit the growing carpool.  It is newer and fancier and has way too many buttons.  I'm still getting used to how big it is, and sometimes miss the van and it's automatic door (even though it often didn't work) and the wonderful turning radius (for all those times I go the wrong way and have to flip a U-ie), and the fact that I no longer had to worry about how sad it would be to get the first ding in the car door.


The van was the first car we bought all on our own (which means, not from my dad).  We bought it when baby #3 was on the way, and we were feeling quite grown up and in need of a family-mobile.  That baby never joined our family and I continued to drive around this HUGE van with only two kids for a couple more years.  It sometimes felt silly to have such a big car, but it was convenient when I could pick up my sister and her two littles and we could adventure together.

Over the years that big car started to feel smaller and smaller.  More bodies filled it up.  More stuff got schlepped around in the back.  We added a car-top carrier for long trips because the cavernous space in the back didn't seem to hold supplies for seven anymore.  The van got us so very many places; to see loved ones we missed and back home when we got homesick; to practices and games and recitals; to school and work; to church; to help others; to enjoy the beauty of God's green earth.

As every mother knows, your car is your office.  It is the waiting room at soccer practice, the grocery getter, the kid picker-upper. The passenger seat, until recently when my big kids decided they were tall enough to sit there, was like a filing cabinet with all the things I needed to drop off, return, not forget, and work on. The van was a second home where we listened to stories on CD together, sang out loud to our favorite songs, passed back snacks during long drives. There was that one time when we drove it all the way to Nauvoo with a newly potty-trained Lea, and for long stretches of I-80, the van became an emergency loo, too, with the baby potty tucked in behind the front seat.

Chad sold it to a family who runs a church ministry across town.  I'm glad to know the van will continue to serve a family who will also make many memories in its seats.

And even though it was only a thing, and it was often sticky and grimy and smelly from the monsters who rode in it, it feels like a little part of me has said farewell.

To my soon-to-be-wed niece Sarah Elizabeth

Dear Sarah,

I remember the feeling so vividly of the moment Chad and I were first called 'the Murdocks.' We had walked into a ward function for our University of Utah married student ward.  We had only been married a short time, maybe just weeks? Or a couple months?  Our friend called out, "It's the Murdocks!"  Those words stopped me in my tracks. It was such a surprising title.  THE Murdocks.  That is how I thought of my in-laws: that big crew of parents, siblings and 12 grandkids.  Of course, I, too, was a Murdock (shiny and new), but no one had ever put that label on me before.  We were always just 'Chad and Adri.' I took a minute to let it sink in.  I liked our new moniker, but it still took a little getting used to.

This week we celebrated anniversary #16, and that day that our family name was christened seems like it was just last month and a million years ago, all at the same time.  The passage of time is funny that way.  But, with your wedding right around the corner I've been thinking back to those early years, when 'the Murdocks' meant just the two of us. What a wonderful, unique time of life!  I'm excited that you are entering this new stage!

When I got married, my mom told me, "If you work really hard to love your in-laws for that first year, after that it won't be work anymore because you will love them." That was good advice.  Not that it was really hard work to love the Murdocks, but it is a little different to embrace a new family as your own: their traditions, habits, methods of doing things.  As you and Blaine become 'the Davidsons' (your own new little Davidson family), it will take a little while to figure out whose method of loading the dishwasher is going to work, and which Christmas traditions you want to bring into your own family; how you are going to celebrate birthdays and if it is really that big of a deal if he leaves his toothbrush out.  It will be hard to split your time on holidays and to make sure you share all the good news with both moms at the same time.  But, learning to make this work is key to making a happy family.  Believe me, you do NOT want to live a lifetime (and eternity) with one family feeling like they can claim more of you than the other.  And, I do think my mom is right...if you conscientiously love your in-laws for a while, eventually it won't take any effort because they will become your own, too.

I'm so excited to attend you temple sealing next week.  The memories of my own wedding day are treasured.  It is hard to really appreciate the wonder of eternity with all the excitement of the wedding day, but go back and do sealings again as soon as you can!  It will help you remember and cement those wonderful words of promise in your heart.  The very best thing Chad and I did for our new marriage was to feed it with frequent temple visits.  We used to go every Thursday night, the weekly anniversary of our own wedding, and the repetition of those covenants created a solid foundation for our family.  Even though you seem really busy right now with school and work, I promise you have MUCH more time for temple attendance now than you will when the babies come.  Take advantage. The effort will pay big dividends!!

I am so grateful for marriage.  Marriage is the foundation of eternity.  It is worth all the effort it takes to keep your marriage strong and happy. Despite the temporary and disposable treatment marriage gets in the world at large, I know, for a fact, that God intends marriage to be for now and for always. It is His way to help His children learn and grow and become as He is, as well as His way to provide bodies for precious spirits still waiting to come to earth.  As I've bent my own selfish desires and tendencies to be 'one' with Chad, I have become more compassionate, more patient, more loving, better. When you let it, marriage makes you more than you can be on your own.

This is the most important decision you will ever make and I'm so proud of you for doing things in the right way, in the temple and for forever.  You are on your way, my cute niece! See you on Tuesday!

much love,
Aunt Adri

Home for Christmas

I started putting away Christmas today.  A little earlier than normal, but some of the sit-around-and-create-clutter kinds of things needed to be put to sleep for the season.  I'm not looking forward to taking down the wreaths and the tree and the red and white throw pillows and fill my house with winter charm, but I guess there is always an end to the season. It is what makes it fun to pull it all out again in November! 

As I was doing some repairs on things that were too loved this year, I found myself fixing a small frame my mom sent to me during my first Christmas season of adulthood, as a freshman in college.  I was incredibly homesick that year. It was the era before email and cell phones and texting and social media. The only connection to home was a once-weekly long distance phone call, and I was feeling out of sorts as the holiday season began.  I'm sure Mom noticed my tears as I pulled out of the driveway after Thanksgiving break to head back to school for the end of the semester.  A few days later, a Christmas package arrived.  Mom knew I loved frames so she had bought me a bunch of Christmasy ones and filled them with pictures of me as a child at Christmas:  Me sitting on my first 'ride on' as a one-year-old, chubby cheeks and a tummy poking out from under my too-tight pjs; A profile shot as I was opening a gift, my tongue coming out as a 'thank you' was frozen in time; A picture of me and my siblings under the tree.  These were small treasures from home; a package that made me feel loved and missed and oh-so-excited for Christmas. A package filled with the spirit of family and home and love. Thankfully, I got to head home in just a few weeks!

Since then, there have been many, many Christmases that I haven't been 'home' with the family of my childhood.  I got married and moved away and started creating a new home for the holidays.  I still miss the magic of being a kid at Christmas, but there isn't anything that compares to WATCHING the magic of Christmas play out for your own children.  Kids make Christmas, Christmas. This year we were thrilled to have visiting Grandparents and Auntie.  Being surrounded by loved ones and planning little surprises for others is what fills my heart with happiness.  We enjoyed all the fun with our company and having them here made everything better.  But, the thing that really filled my heart to overflowing, in the same way those framed pictures did so many years ago, was when my mother-in-law hugged me and said, "This has been the best Christmas in years!"  I am so grateful that I could share the magic of my kids with their grandma; that she would leave the comforts of her own home and life to be part of the crazy that is Christmas around here. 

And, I'm so grateful that 'home' is not a place, so much as a feeling; a 'place' that can be wherever the people you love are.

a beacon

On Saturday night it was a pleasure to take a break from regular life to be with my darling girl, as well as sisters across the world, to hear our leaders at the General Women's Meeting. I love witnessing Kate's excitement for gospel learning. I hope she continues to love to feel the Spirit always.

I loved listening to Sister Neill F. Marriott (and her fun Southern accent) as she talked about light.  She said,  "Our purpose, [like the temple's, is] to serve others and help them push back the darkness and return to Heavenly Father's light." After she heard this, my sweet, in-tune Kate leaned over to me and said, "I think this would help my friend at school." Her friend has been having a hard time with another friend who is trying to influence him to break rules and disobey teachers at school. He feels a little trapped, I think, not knowing how to break off a friendship that is getting him caught up in things he would rather not be doing.  Kate has been worrying over her friend, talking to me about what she could possibly do to help.

I think, through her own example, she is probably helping more than she knows.  The fact that she would hear counsel, truth, from our church leaders and then instantly apply it in her own mind to her personal life, is astonishing to me.  At nine I barely sat through one session of Conference.

But, she is so much smarter, wiser, more faithful than I was at her age.  I think she needs to be. As do all our children. The world is in a tailspin of evil, worsening every day.  But, hope, for me, is found in my children and their friends who "stand for truth and righteousness." They are a beacon to their friends. I feel privileged to be on the sidelines and watch them storm the world with their good, just trying to keep up.

Labor Day Weekend

We hitched up the camper and persuaded friends to join us as we bid farewell to summer amid the Colorado mountains. A warm end-of-summer day found us on the banks of a reservoir where kids made mud pies, splashed in the lake and chased each other along the shore. I sat in the shade with baby on my knee, watching in awe as my beautiful children ran along the sand. These healthy, happy babies of mine who have grown so long and lean, funny and clever, kind and forgiving. These five who have filled my life up to practically perfect. Oh, how blessed I am.

Baby girl practicing her walking at the campground

first year

She grew. How does this happen?

assignments

It is officially summer vacation, and my kids are on their annual "summer plan." It is always slightly different, but goes something like this: do a little work, including some summer school-ish things, then you can play. Simple enough.  This year, for their learning jobs, they have to read, write and do math every day.  Not much. Not overwhelming, but just a little something to keep their minds going. Dallin (of course) whips through things quick and is out the door to find a friend and an adventure. Kate delays, dawdles. Her friends knock on the door and she is still.not.done.  It drives me nuts. What I wouldn't give to have someone tell me I HAD to read and write every day.  I might even do a little math, just to have a chance at the other two.  Unfortunately, moms don't get that kind of assignment (luxury). At least not this mom.

But, oh, how I need to write more. I write in my mind all day long, but rarely do I find a minute to sit down and pull it out of my head an onto the page.  If I do sit, it is at the expense of something else (like my floor, which at this moment is a disaster, but I'm avoiding the sweeping. Like Kate might. Hmmm....maybe I'd better have more empathy for that girl?)

So, tonight, I'm assigning myself the task (joy!) of catching up on the life of my baby.  She is 11 months tomorrow. 11 BIG months!  Amazing! Her babyhood is slipping away and I am slow to record the beauty of her days.

Annie can crawl, but doesn't usually use it to get anywhere fast. She is more of an explorer, taking the round about way to get somewhere in favor of looking and seeking (and finding lots of stuff on my messy floors!) She has figured out how to get up the steps, but I try to keep her away from doing that too much because our long, steep staircases scare me! She does NOT know how to go down, so everyone is on eagle eye watch whenever she is upstairs, even with the baby gates. When she does decide that speed is necessary, it is cute to see her employ the use of her one foot, as she scootches it up and uses it to help her go fast.  Usually, she uses her 'fast' crawling to play chase with a sibling.

She hasn't taken any steps, but she has started cruising, just a little.  She loves to pull herself up on things, especially the dishwasher (right near the utensils), and the dryer (she is excellent at unloading all the clothes onto the floor!), or up onto the back of my legs. Which is precarious!


Annie loves to eat solids and is good at grabbing most everything and feeding herself.  She LOVES blueberries, strawberries and cheese.  She also likes yogurt and will still let me spoon feed her oatmeal. She doesn't love veggies, but will tolerate them mixed with fruit. She likes bread, sometimes. Tonight she had spaghetti, and loved it (and it was everywhere!).  She loves most fruit.

Annie loves to wrestle and climb over anyone laying on the ground.  When she wants to play, she will put her face into the floor, like she is hiding, and then pop up and laugh. We are working on getting her to point to her head, nose, ears, etc., but mostly she just points to her mouth, doing the sign for 'eat.' She will point to her head, at the wrong time, and also does the sign for 'more', but also, usually, at the wrong time.

Annie's smile is a light!

If you ask Annie for a kiss, she puts her forehead onto your lips. Melts my heart.

Annie loves her siblings and gets excited to see any of them. They are so sweet with her and they all love to play with her. She is one lucky baby!

Little #5 is such a joy to me. What would I do without her?